How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
In the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, author Dale Carnegie shares some of his personal experiences on how to handle people and situations in everyday life as well as the work place. There are many different scenarios and guides provided in utilizing these strategies in the professional world. Following the guides will help improve management skills. This book is a great management tool because it helps in learning how to deal with people. The main objective of the book is basically to realize one should live the Golden Rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” which is done through empathy, and this will lead to dealing with people effectively. The book helps in understanding that one must take an interest in other people, understand their interests and motives, give them praise, encouragement, appreciation, and understand that one of the greatest human needs is to feel important. The “you” application instead of the “me” application, is important for managers to recognize. This book includes the fundamental techniques in handling people, the ways to make people like you, how to win people to your way of thinking and the techniques to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. The advice is divided into chapters, but focuses on three fundamental tenets throughout the work.
Three fundamental techniques are 1.never criticize, condemn or complain 2. Give honest and sincere appreciation and 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. Dale then goes into the Six Ways to Make People Like You: Become genuinely interested in other people, Smile, Remember that a man’s Name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language, Be a good listener, Encourage others to talk about themselves, Talk in the terms of the other man’s interest and make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. The book then speaks of selling your Ideas by establish a Space for Cooperation. It is important to avoid arguments. This can be done by avoiding the necessity of trying to defend and embrace previous positions. Arguing and winning will build resentment. Carnegie gives six simple steps on how one can avoid arguments: 1. Welcome the disagreement. Be thankful for a new opinion. 2. Stay calm. 3. Listen first. Hear your opponents out. 4. Identify areas of agreement. 5. Admitting errors will make it easier for others to admit theirs. 6. If no resolution is found, postpone action and promise to explore the opposing perspective. These six steps can be proven to be useful in a business setting where it is important to avoid arguments and confrontations. As a manager it is essential to know how to sell ideas. Carnegie gives a guide on how one can sell their ideas: 1. begin in a friendly way, and open conversation with sincere praise, appreciation and sympathy. A friendly manner will allow others to approach want to be able to have this quality because it will be easier for staff to have discussions more openly. 2. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. 3.Willingly pay attention to concerns to avoid conflict and build relationships. 4. Be sympathetic, most people hunger for sympathy. 5. Respect others’ opinions. 6. Never say, “You’re wrong” because people don’t like to admit they’re wrong and may take it personally. 7.If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. 8. Demonstrate your willingness to reasonably inspect the details of the situation . 9.If another is about to criticize you, don’t let them start. A harsh self-rebuke may prompt the others to soften their critiques. 10. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. 11. Frame requests in terms of what others find motivating. Ask yourself: “Why would someone want to do what I’m asking?”
Next topic introduced by Carnegie is closing the deal and getting the other person to say, “yes” as soon as possible. Emphasize things all parties already agree on because you will build momentum toward acceptance. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers because people are more dedicated to their own ideas. Carnegie stresses the idea that giving criticism & driving improvement is begun with praise and honest appreciation. He states that it is easier to take criticism after some praise and if one look for things done well before calling attention to failings and talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person the burden of criticism will then be easier to deal with. Another way one can criticize in a positive way is by calling attention to people’s errors indirectly because if you do it directly it can destroy incentive to improve. Some other tips he gives the reader is that one should always try to give criticism in private, use encouragement, make faults seem easy to correct and new skills easy to learn, praise the slightest improvement and every improvement, and give praise. Praise reinforces the development of a desired behavior. Respecting the capabilities of others will give people the want to succeed and improve. Carnegie gives great ideas on how to manage staff. For example, he says that in order to motivate others you should ask questions instead of giving direct orders, try to make the others happy about doing things you suggest by making them feel important, and give out titles to make others happy contributors. Dale gives a Step by Step Guide to motivate others to do tasks:1. Be Sincere. Don’t promise what you can’t do or deliver.2. Know precisely what it is you want the other person to do. 3. Be Empathetic. Try to understand what others want. 4. Focus on any benefits the other person might receive. 5. Explain how those benefits match the other person’s wants. 6. Demonstrate to the other person how they will benefit from what you are suggesting they do.
In the past I have read other Management books and I had found them to be boring; but “How to Win Friends and Influence People” offered useful ideas in a readable format. This book did not put me to sleep and I found it very useful and straightforward. Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, gives several proven methods and examples on how to succeed as a manager. The book was an easy read because its chapters are comprised of individual lessons such as; how to handle people, how to be a successful leader, and how to win people to your way of thinking. It makes the reader aware of excellent fundamentals of communication, leadership, and interpersonal skills, which are crucial principals of management. I feel that Dale used a stimulating combination of stories and real life situations to help the reader comprehend the principles and perceive the overall benefit of taking the advice given. Although this book was written way back in 1937, these principles and ideas still remain useful today. I would definitely recommend this book to others because this book has many great techniques that will help improve oneself as a businessperson. I have found a great amount of tips I find myself using in my everyday life. I would have to say that this is one of the best books I could have read because it taught me a lot about how I can be an effective manager. Dale Carnegie really did a great job summarizing the most useful, practical and easiest techniques to build close and trust-based friendship. In the first part, the fundamental techniques in handling people, Carnegies’ advice helped me to handle my daily work in my part-time job. I work as a part-time sales associate and everyday, I need to face customers, some of them are not friendly, and some are tempered. The book helped me to understand that it is important for me to first control my own feeling, then make them calm down, relax, and finally try to communicate to them to the best of my ability and this will allow me to finish my tasks in the most effective way. The tips he gave on ways to win people to your way of thinking were also helpful to me. I work on commission in a department store and after I learned this topic, I discovered that, I could make others to change their mind easily. Reading this book definitely helped my communication skills I am now usually able to have people accept my opinion because I do not disagree or show disapproval of others’ opinion. One of the most important things that I learned is that building personal relationships involves never criticizing, condemning or complaining. In management this is key when managing staff. The book teaches that Self-criticism is extremely rare. And if you decide to criticize it won’t be welcomed because it will cause others to become defensive and resentful. A significant thing to remember is that positive reinforcement works better and it is true what they say that “you catch more bees with honey.” At last, I would like to say, this book is a really good way to improve oneself not only as a